Impasses
by Simplybofa
Summary: This story has no true resolution; but, then again, what real story does?" Rachel/Finn Rachel/Jessie A whole lot of lovely complications sprinkled with a little angst and a dash of passion.
1. Chapter 1

**This story has no true resolution; but, then again, what real story does?**

**Rachel**

Sometimes, I wonder if Jessie St. James really is Jessie St. James. Like, I look at him when we're walking down the hall together. His arm is usually around my shoulder and his eyes are always staring some kid down like a hawk eyeing its prey. That's the Jessie St. James I know.

But then I sneak a peak at him when he thinks I'm not paying attention. Like when we went to an amateur performance of Phantom. I kept thinking that night that I would look over and see him laughing at the kid's lack of talent- which I can fully testify was extremely lacking- or even see him looking bored. That would be the Jessie St. James I know. But that night he was pretty quiet, like he was engrossed in the musical. His eyes kind of danced and I found myself watching him for most of the performance.

Also, yesterday, I invited him home after school. He had been particularly quiet after Glee and wasn't really talking to me. That night was different.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?" I remember squirming and being nervous at that point.

"Could you sit right here?" He asked me. I looked at him in confusion because we were already both on the edge of my bed. "I mean, here?" He shook his head and turned it toward his side.

"Okay."

I sat next to him, my side and leg against his. I could feel him breathing and I couldn't help but look at him inquisitively. He didn't say anything then, just sighed and slid his arm around my lower waist. We sat like that for a while. Hours, probably.

Now, I'm looking at Jessie St. James. He's not looking at me, though. He's looking at Finn who is just looking at the floor. I'm confused.

**Finn**

I don't know how I'm doing Glee. I don't know how to stay in the songs anymore. The only times I feel like Glee is the place I want to be are when I sing with Rachel. But I've only done that twice in the past month. My stomach hurts.

I don't know how to deal with this. I feel stupid for feeling things so I try not to think about anything. Anything being Rachel. But I hate that it doesn't work.

I don't know what to do because I can't keep watching this jerk pull her leg. But I don't want to pull her leg either so I can't pull his which means I'm pulling mine. I just don't know. I think I need to sleep. I think I need a time machine. I think… I think I need her.

**Rachel**

I wouldn't tell anyone but myself this, but Finn breaks my heart. Every day. I can't help it. When I look at him, I remember how much I wanted to be by his side. I look at him and sometimes I think that I should be there. But part of me doesn't want to. I hate being hurt. And I hate hurting people. But I really like Jessie and I think that might be hurting me. On the other hand, Finn has already hurt me. Quite a few times.

But Finn, he's just different. I wouldn't tell him because it might affect his performance in Glee, but I just don't feel like he's happy here anymore.

And I've seen him look at me.

In the halls or in the choir room or even during lunch when we sit across the room from each other (which might as well be ten thousand miles long by our student body's standards). But what kind of scares me- even more than this little pull I have in my gut when I think of him- is that when I catch him staring at me, he doesn't look away. We end up in these desperate love/death stares that, frankly, freak me out. When it comes to Jessie, I can hold my own. At least, I think I can. But with Finn, sometimes I feel like I cant stand it.

**Jessie**

Okay, I know I need to get over myself. I've gotten over betraying VA and I've gotten over basically loosing any notary I might have had by joining New Directions (often called New Defections back at Carmel), but I can't shake this new complex. This Rachel thing.

I pride myself on handling all aspects of Rachel Berry with ease. But this new one isn't as easy. I think it might actually be jealousy. It certainly isn't inferiority. But I see her look at him sometimes and I just want to punch the guy out.

Finn is such a loser name, anyway. Really.

I know I'm supposed to be "Jessie St. James". But sometimes, with Rachel, I feel like just Jessie. I've never had that before. It's been… nice. I never knew I could be anything less than my name.

On a side note, I think I might have freaked her out a little. Which is okay, but at the same time it's not. I need to know that she knows- one hundred percent- that she can trust me. And I don't think she does. These things aren't things that Jessie St. James has ever had to deal with. But now, I do have to deal with them.

I don't like to admit this even to myself, but sometimes I get a little scared.

I think I need to sing…

**Thanks for clicking on this bit of a story. It will probably consist of around four chapters. Maybe three. The story is one of impasses and complications. There will be romance, but there may not be happy endings, or any endings at all for that matter. That is what is so liberating about this triangle. **

**So click alert while you're reviewing and I'll have the next chapter up in a little while. Thank you again for reading.**

**Simplybofa**


	2. Chapter 2

**In which nothing gets resolved and things grow more complicated.**

**Rachel**

I kissed Finn. It just happened so fast I barely remember. I don't know what to do or what to think… I just feel guilty. Guilty for what I did and how it is going to affect Jessie and guilty for wanting it to happen. I really like Jessie; I mean, I'm completely infatuated with him. But Finn, well, he distracts me.

**Jessie**

Rachel and I are going to watch a movie tonight. She's actually up in my room getting it ready right now. I was supposedly coming down to the kitchen to get a couple drinks. But I think I just needed to leave her for a second.

Something's not right. She's acting too nice, too into me…

It's unnerving.

**Rachel**

Jessie makes me weak. In the knees, I mean. He's so fantastic and he knows exactly what I want. He's a great kisser. He's considerate. He's extremely talented. He's beautiful.

I think I might be starting to fall for him. Like in a storybook- or a Broadway play… I feel like I love him.

I just want to let him have me. I really do. I've been thinking on it lately, and I've come to the somewhat foggy conclusion that he will be the one. I just have to decide when.

And clear some other things out of my mind.

**Finn**

I've destroyed a lot of things lately. Yesterday mom came in out of the back yard and asked why one of the trees had big, long gashes in it… I remember her saying, 'It's not like it's Christmas time, or anything.'

I feel like Rachel might still like me. She kissed me and everything, and it was her idea. When she gets it in her mind, she just kind of throws herself at you. I wince and I hate it.

My heart hurts.

I get so mad sometimes. I get mad at that Jessie guy a lot. But, mostly I get angry with myself because I'll sort of get over her and the second I do, she gives me a look or KISSES me. Then, I let myself get pulled back down into Rachel land.

I hate Rachel land… But, at the same time, I wish I could live there.

**Rachel**

Jessie isn't Jessie St. James anymore. I've decided that Jessie is now Just Jessie. The thing is, I'm still trying to figure out who Just Jessie is. I feel out of my element.

For instance, Just Jessie likes to be close. Unlike Jessie St. James, Just Jessie will ask me if it's okay for him to just hold me. He wraps his arms around me and just holds me in an embrace.

It seems to surreal and romantic to be reality. He's too wonderful.

Oh, and Just Jessie gets this little half-smile on his face whenever I smile. Every time. It makes my heart race.

Just Jessie is also really quiet, now. Different from when he was the boisterous Jessie St. James. Just Jessie is contemplative and prone to long bouts of distracted silence. This is one of the parts of Just Jessie that I just can't grasp. I'm a little worried.

**Finn**

I think I just need to forget about Rachel. I need to give up.

She doesn't look at me anymore. Sure, she's friendly and caring like she's always been. But her eyes won't touch my face. They're always turned toward him.

**Jessie**

Rachel and I have officially been together. By together, I mean we've had sex. She's wonderful and graceful and entirely sweet. It shouldn't be such a big deal to me. I guess it's different with her. It's kind of stupid, but I feel a little better. Reassured. Rachel giving me that part of herself must mean something. Like she's going to be with me. She wants to be with me.

This is what I tell myself. This is what I hope.

**Finn**

I've decided. I'm going to leave it alone. Leave her alone.

**Rachel**

I just don't want to forget Finn. So, though this is admittedly evil, I sometimes run my hand over his shoulder blade or give him a special smile. It's selfish, but I'm just not ready to let him go.

**Finn**

I am so tired of this.

**Thanks so much again for reading! Please let me know what you think and add this story to your alerts. Also, check out my other Glee fictions.**

**Thank you, again,**

**Simplybofa**


	3. Chapter 3

**In which weird obsession insues; and in which nothing changes...**

**Finn**

I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Rachel isn't going to be with me. She's with him. It's there, in black and white. No grey. Not anymore, anyways.

**Jessie**

I'm glad Rachel's putting up with my mood. I know it's taxing… I can barely stand myself. I'm so… mellow. I'm creeping myself out.

**Rachel**

I've begun to read Twilight. I know there's no time in my busy schedule to be taking recreational breaks that don't involve Jessie or sleep, but I absolutely need a break. A sure escape from the confusion of my life. Confusion being the completely inappropriate and hot dream I had about Finn last night. All those girls are always talking about this book, anyway, so it must be good or something…

**Jessie**

I'm actually laughing right now. Not at anything extraordinary. Just Rachel. She's on my bed, that Twilight in her lap, and she's actually rapt with intensity. I can see it in her face. It's like she's going to break open or something. She's officially joined the cult.

It's nice to laugh at something so trivial…

**Rachel**

Unconditionally and irrevocably in love? That sounds so nice! Too nice. How can Bella love Edward SO much that she would just ignore all the danger she's in? That's not logical.

I wish I could be illogical…

Maybe I could.

**Finn**

Puck asked me to baby sit his sister for him so he could go out with some chick. I don't mind. It's not like I've got anything better to do.

She's pretty nice, too. Really different from the harshness of her brother. The only thing is, I feel like she's trying to make me become a Jew. I didn't even think you could do that…

**Rachel**

Done already? I cant believe it!Wait, there's more? I search the ad in the back of the book.

New Moon…

No time for shoes.

**Jessie**

Rachel just sprung from the room. Like, she bolted. Didn't even tell me what was up.

And what the hell does a new moon have to do with anything?

**Rachel**

Nearest bookstore… Ah! I can feel the pull of Edward. He's calling me…

BORDERS!

I'm feeling a bit more logical now that I'm pulling into the parking lot. And, honestly, I wish I had put some shoes on.

**Finn**

I'm taking Puck's sister out. Apparently there's this new book she wants to get and Puck's been ignoring her 'womanly needs', whatever that means… So I'm taking her to Borders. She wants to go to Barnes & Noble, but Borders is closer.

**Rachel**

New Moon… New Moon… New Moon… Where is it? I scan the aisles of the teen section, urgently picking through the genres. Some lady asks if she can help me but I ignore her and she eventually goes away.

It's got to be here! I'm in the store, where's the book?

"Where's New Moon?" I growl.

**Finn**

Oh my God.

"It's right over here. On the Twilight table." Puck's sister walks toward her. Rachel looks up at her like she either wants to hit her or is about to eat her head.

My stomach flips.

**Rachel**

There's a Twilight table! Oh my God! I can feel my inner fan girl screaming at me to buy the Twilight sweet tarts. Oh! The Twilight tee shirt! The Twilight Board Game?

Too much pressure!

This girl who has just led me to my heaven stands behind me, officiously. I wish she would leave me alone with my guilty pleasures…

Where is New Moon? I can't seem to find the books. Just merchandise.

Was that an Edward action figure?

Focus! I force myself to look up at the girl. "New Moon?" I ask. She's nice enough and points to the floor where there's pyramids of the books. I squeal.

**Finn**

Rachel's acting like an idiot. I just want to leave. But how to get the attention of the little sister? I don't want to draw attention to myself.

I don't think I could take it if she looked up and actually saw me. My throat it really dry and my fingers keep twitching. I actually have a headache. Seeing her is giving me real physical pain.

Okay, leaving. How do I get to the leaving part?

I think the fake-cough is going to be my weapon of choice.

**Rachel**

I'm so embarrassed. I'm sitting in my car, New Moon safely tucked in the passenger seat, and I'm trying not to just cry.

I don't need to relate the severity of my despair at noticing that Finn Hudson witnessed my whole Twilight-high debacle. Oh, it's just terrible.

The worst thing? He looked embarrassed when I spotted him. Apparently he's with the kid who helped me find my treasure. He just sort of grabbed her shoulder and nodded in my general direction. It looked like every movement was painful.

I'm not so euphoric any more.

**Jessie**

I don't know what has happened to the universe. Rachel's asleep on my bed, New Moon- apparently the second book- draped open over her chest. I'm not going to wake her up, though.

Rachel doesn't do freaky fan girl. She just doesn't. And I do not do sensitive angst ridden teen. I just don't.

Therein lies the problem.

I can't think of anything as a viable solution. So I guess I'll just go downstairs and get a glass of juice. Then, I'll probably make Rachel scoot over and go to sleep, too.

That's all I feel like doing anyways.

**Finn**

I'm not over her. I can't handle this.

Yes I can.

But, really… I can't.

I think I need to invest in a pair of lightning rods. I should probably end this madness before it gets worse.

But, seriously, though. I don't know what to do.

**So wow! Thoughts on Rachel and her new thing? Is it just something she's using to distract herself from Finn? Jessie? Who knows. I don't even think I do...**

**I don't own Twilight, New Moon, Bella or Edward. Thanks again for reading!**

**Simplybofa**


	4. Chapter 4

**In which only one feeling is accomplished and several others are muddled. **

**Jessie**

I think I'm in dangerous territory. I've never let myself get in this position in the past and now I can definitely see why.

I love Rachel Berry.

It explains everything. The moody silences, the sudden disinterest in competition, the freakish need I have to just wrap my arms around her… It's almost terrible, but actually I think it might be kind of cool. This new Jessie has a heart. And it's consumed by Rachel's eyes. And her smile. Her hair. Oh, and her voice…

**Finn**

I've decided to man up. Grow a pair. I think I can handle Glee and if I quit now, I'd be letting the team down. Suicide definitely isn't the answer; the new Halo game comes out later this year and I'm going to need to be here to play it. That doesn't leave much but perseverance. I think I might be able to do this. I just need to ignore Rachel. Starting by her name.

I think I'll call her Bob from now on. No more of the R word.

**Rachel**

I'm a terrible person. Terrible, terrible, terrible. And I'm agonized. Rightfully so. I feel like I'm betraying Jessie. I haven't done anything physically that could constitute betrayal, but it's all in my mind. It's like some maddening disease. I seem to think it's okay to be with two guys.

Don't ask me how this notion became acceptable in my mind. I can only answer with two words. Finn and Jessie. And now I come to find out that Bella gets herself into a similar situation! The Twilight books have sort of become my bibles. Not in a ritualistic sense, but as a sort of example.

It's perfect, really. Bella is torn between Jacob and Edward, one whom she's with and one whom she's got these undeniable feelings for. I cant wait to see how she deals with her problem.

Not that I'll copy her or anything. I mean, I AM still Rachel Berry.

**Finn**

Bob is trying to get me to look at her. Unsuccessfully, I might add. Those weird stares I used to give her? She's using them on me. Like reverse psychology.

I don't know why she can't just leave me alone.

**Rachel**

Okay, my mind knows that it's wrong to want both of them. But I can't help it! Jessie is so sweet, now. I think it might be the fact that we've taken our relationship to that level. Intimately, I mean. And I am so glad that I have him.

But I can't get Finn out of my mind. I've tried. It doesn't work.

On another note, when I did finally manage to get Finn's attention in Glee today, he called me Bob. What is up with that?

**Jessie**

I can't shake this feeling. It's like a gnawing in my stomach. All I have to do is look at Rachel sitting on my bed and that feeling just shows up. Like there's a missing piece of a puzzle that will reveal the final picture.

Now, Rachel's reading those stupid books again. She's always reading them. And get this, she takes notes. How weird is that?

Know what's even weirder? I love her more for it. Her weird little quirks. Stupid, right?

**So not much is really decided in this chapter other than Jessie's feelings for Rachel. It's sad, right? When I first started out, I had Finn in mind as the real victim of the story but now I think it might turn out to be Jessie! Wow. **

**Check back for an update! I'm extending this story a bit to further develop these guys. Thanks for reading!**

**Happy reading, **

**Simplybofa  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**In which one finds out and others break down.**

**Jessie**

Rachel's seeing Finn. The entirety of Glee knows it, Rachel and Finn know it, you know it and now I know it. Don't ask me how, but I know down to the very fiber of my being that Rachel is seeing him.

I hate him.

I want to hate her, but I know I can't. She doesn't even know I know. But I do. Know, that is. I've never felt this kind of heartbreak. I always thought it was fictional…

**Rachel**

Okay, I think that if Bella can love both Edward and Jacob, then I can love both Finn and Jessie. Love triangles are not unheard of, you know. I feel terrible but I can't deny it any longer. Today, I am making my move. It's perfect because Jessie didn't come to school today. I think I remember texting him about his absence…

I think.

I would check my phone to see, but school's over and Finn's walking out of the door in front of me. I can't put it off any longer.

**Jessie**

Yeah, I skipped school. I don't know what to do.

God, I hate how melodramatic I am.

**Finn**

Ra-, I mean, Bob (Bob, I mentally kick myself) is walking toward me and it looks sort of creepy. There's this passionate look it its eyes that makes my knees week. I'm about to step out of its way because I know its headed straight for my arch enemy- that, that Jessie.

But when I change course, so does it. I look around and the entire parking lot is clearing of kids. That is nowhere to be found.

But if it isn't looking for that, then what is it doing?

**Rachel**

I say his name.

"Finn!"

**Finn**

It said my name… I feel my eyes widen as I work up a reply.

"Bob, I mean, Rachel." (Rachel, I mentally kick myself).

**Rachel**

I'm going to ignore the fact that he called me Bob again for the moment… I've decided what I'm going to do and I think it's the perfect way to do it. I close the distance between us, standing on my tippy tip toes and wrapping my arms around him.

**Finn**

I think Rachel is hugging me, but above anything else I know only one thing.

I am kissing her.

**Well, I know this is really short, but I hope it's not too unsatisfactory for you. It's only so short because the next one is really long. **

**Thanks and thanks and thanks for reading,**

**Simplybofa  
**


End file.
